"It's no big deal, it's just -- we have to go away and ... and dream it all up again."
that is a quote from bono of u2 at the end of a series of shows in the late 80's. it's not totally in line with what i've been thinking, but i've always liked it and i wanted a reason to put it in a blog post.
you can read the full explanation as to what he was talking about here.
now. on to ME.
earlier today i tweeted that i would be "going off the grid" for awhile. i got a few responses after that which i appreciate more than i can possibly express. those that responded know who they are, and i thank them. those of you you didn't respond, it's all good, i still love you.
other than a few direct message conversations i've had with a select few people, i've tried to keep a lot of talking about my personal life out of twitter, because i just didn't want to come off as whiny and bitchy about it. believe me, given the chance, i can be quite whiny and bitchy about it.
for the better part of the last six months, i haven't been in a good place, or to put it more simply, i've been pretty fucking sad. that came immediately on the heels of what i can honestly say was the best four months of my life. as you can probably deduce i am talking about a relationship. i won't, out of respect for her, go into too many details. all i will say is i was never happier than i was during those four months.
i was doing ok after a few months, that is to say i hadn't holed up in my apartment hiding from the world. i had moments of happiness, and moments of pretty severe depression. to the point where i went to couneling. yes, i went to counseling over the breakup from a girlfriend. if you are going to judge me for that then fuck right off because i don't want to hear it. i went to someone that knows me very well. the same person who counseled me during my divorce. yes, i'm divorced, if you have a problem with that, again, with the fucking right off. i am divorced, not a leper. i have come to terms with that part of my life. if you would like to know more than i might be willing to talk to you about it, just not here.
to cope with what i was feeling i dove back into one of my first loves, music. i blogged about that a few months ago so i won't go into too much detail, but you can read about it here.
again, this year, i was doing ok, then two seperate things happened, about a week and a half apart that really threw me, and brought back a lot of emotions that i thought i was passed but i had merely just pushed as far down and away as i could. out of respect for those involved with both of these events i will leave out the details, although there are a couple of you that know of at least one of these events, and i thank you for your words of encouragement.
now, some of you might be saying, "tell me about this off the grid comment!" ok, i'm going to do that now.
i need to cut the cord from the internet a little bit. i need to get back to doing the things that i love doing. playing and writing music. seeing my family, and just generally living life. i've been on twitter since '07. there have been a lot of ups and downs in my activity on the site and the last few months have seen quite an up tick in my "tweets". i need to back away, i think i've lost sight of what i have because i have been focusing on what i don't have. that has to change if i am ever to be truly and completely happy.
with that being said, there's a reason why the title of this post has (sort of) in it. i'm not going to completely abandon all twitter and online activity, i'm just going to scale it back a lot for the time being.
some things you will notice:
-i will still send out the ocasional tweet, but i am not going to be glued to it as much as i have been
-you will still see occassional tweets come from other services like last.fm via twitterfeed, tumblr, and formspring (so yes, you can still ask me questions)
-an occasional increase in traffic for a particular event, for instance if the usa (men or women) make it to the gold medal hockey game, or the closing ceremonies.
i am still going to be somewhat active on Facebook, just not on the level i was before. if you feel the need to keep tabs on me you can friend me up there. for those of you who are worried that i'm going to run off and join some cult, or completely drop off the face of the earth i'd be more than happy to let you bug me via text or phone call, just DM me on twitter and i'll give you my number. if instant messaging is your thing then you can DM me and i'll give you those details too.
one last thing. if i happen to knock in a goal during my thursday night soccer games, you damn well know i am going to let twitter know about it.
not really sure how to end this, so i'll just say goodnight. and expect another post possibly later on tonight, i owe you all a "my year of gaiman" post, as i am halfway through the sandman series.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 11:59PM