what is the definition of gut wrenching?

to me it is that feeling you get when you just feel something isn't going to work out combined with the fact that you knew it probably never had a realistic chance of happening.

i've got two massive knots in my stomach right now, which has probably contributed to my inability to eat regularly for the past week.

let's discuss...

knot number 1: the job knot

i quit my job two weeks ago. i just wasn't happy and i knew that being single and only having myself to support that this would be the right time to move on. i made this decision having no concrete options to move on to. now i have some extra cash in the bank and i've been promised help if it comes to it, although i hate borrowing money from people, it makes me uncomfortable. i interviewed for a position this past tuesday. i thought the interview went well and that feeling was confirmed when i talked to the recruiter on thursday. he also told me that they were hiring for two positions and right now i was number two on their list of potential hires. i was also told that the only reason that i was not number one was because i am asking for more money. lastly i was told that i should expect to hear something by the end of the day on friday. i haven't and i've been a nervous wreck since. although i think i hide it well.

knot number 2: the personal life knot

please refer to my last post for more on the details on what is going on in my personal life. since i've posted that this knot has grown substantially. i won't go into much more detail other than to say i want more than anything for her to be happy, regardless of who she is with.

i wonder how many knots i can maintain in my stomach at the same time. place your bets. i'll update if i get another one.

peace

~scott